70. Unmasking the Nurturer's Shadow Side
In this episode, Carla guides her audience in understanding the Nurturer archetype and its shadow sides. She emphasizes the importance of taking the Money Archetypes Quiz to gain insights into one's relationship with money and how it influences thoughts, behaviours, and beliefs.
Drawing parallels between personal development and financial growth, Carla encourages her listeners to practice and improve their financial skills. She shares the shadow sides of the Nurturer archetype, including neglecting oneself, co-dependency, the fear of abandonment, enabling behaviour, and a lack of self-expression.
Carla highlights the significance of self-prioritization, similar to putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting others on an airplane. She concludes by motivating her audience to live life without regrets, follow their passions and keep moving forward.
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Welcome back to the Money Mindset Hub podcast. I'm your host, Carla Townsend, and I'm a money mindset and success coach for female entrepreneurs who are ready to manifest a masterpiece in their life and in their business. So let's get started.
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Money Mindset Hub podcast. So this is the final episode in this unmasking the shadow side series of the eight different money archetypes.
So firstly, if you haven't done the money archetypes quiz and you don't know what I'm talking about, please go to moneymindsethub.com/quiz. Take the quiz. It's free. It is so damn insightful. You are going to understand yourself, your relationship with money, your patterns with money, your thoughts, your behaviors, your feelings, your beliefs about money.
Very quickly it's going to stand out and you will just understand like, Oh, this is why I have been the way I have been. This is why I think and feel and act and behave the way I do. And also it's an opportunity to strengthen the parts of yourself that you decide to. So just because you have a certain challenge in your archetypes doesn't mean that it has to remain a challenge.
It could literally be an opportunity for you to strengthen that part of your personality because I truly believe that regardless of any profiling systems that you take, whether it is the money archetypes quiz, whether it's the Myers Briggs, Personality test, whether it's human design, whatever it might be, they're all profiling systems that at the end of the day, you get to choose what you take from it.
You also get to choose whether there's parts in there that you're like, you know what? No, I don't want that to be a challenge for me. I don't want that to be the way that I do things, the way I behave, the way I act, the way I react, the way that I. Whatever it might be for you, you'll notice when it comes up, but it's an opportunity to strengthen your parts of your personality because we can all change our personality.
There is no like you're just this way because you're just this way. Example. I wasn't this confident person. People are like, Oh my God, you're so confident. You know, you can just speak. Like how do you get on camera? How did you just do the podcast? Like how do you do all that? How do you have interviews?
And I'm like, you know what? Because I practiced, it's just practice. So I practice. It's my confidence muscle by taking I'm confident action when I was terrified, when I was so scared. I remember the first day I went on stories and I was sweating bullets because I was so terrified to go on a story. The amount of stories that I recorded and just deleted that no one saw.
I couldn't even tell you how many of them I did. Plenty because I was so terrified. Like what if I sound like an idiot? What if I, I start out or mumble, like I talk quickly and they're going to even know what I'm saying. But then I realized, no, I just get to practice this. I just get to practice and then it will become natural because nothing is easy until you practice it.
And then it becomes easy and it's much like money, right? Money gets easier. The more that you practice. getting better with it. You practice understanding it. You practice appreciating it. You practice managing it. You practice creating it. You practice receiving it and you practice holding it. We all get to change our personalities and strengthen whatever we decide.
And your money archetype is essentially your money personality. So it's no different. You can choose to change it and whatever you don't choose. and whatever you don't change, you are choosing. So remember that as we move forward. Okay. So quick recap before we dive into the nurturer's archetype and their shadow sides quickly, if this is the first one you've ever listened to the shadow side of a person.
So a person's shadow side was actually made popular by the Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, who believed that the human psyche contains unconscious and conscious elements. So the shadow sides of you are often parts that you deny, repress, or reject, whether it be consciously or unconsciously. Due to beliefs, cultural norms, fears, desires, traumas, emotions, or just straight up qualities that you believe are undesirable to have, right?
So, for the nurturer, the nurturer archetype is someone who really values security and caring for others. They, it's the word nurturer, right? Who is a nurturer? When, when you say, oh, you're very nurturing, it's a loving, caring human being with an open heart. Who will give you the tip, the shirt off their back, right?
That's probably a very Aussie saying, and I don't even know if I've said it properly because I normally mess them up, but you know what I mean? So being able to recognize and address these shadow sides for you is going to be amazing for your in your business and also changing the relationship that you have with money going forward and how you can get out there and support more people because you're here to support more people.
You're very caring and in order to be very caring and to be able to be able to impact the amount of people that you desire to impact, more money will help you do that more resources, more support. So here are a couple of the shadow sides though that I do notice come up because I do have a few nurturer clients, and often the conversation can be like, well, I'm not a maverick and I'm not a ruler. And, you know, for anyone listening, so the maverick is a rebel with a cause, the ruler is the empire builder, and often people compare themselves to them because it is kind of a thing. I do notice.
Yes, many, and I've had hundreds and hundreds of people take my quiz now. And if you haven't go to moneymindsethub. com forward slash quiz. And often I do notice the theme of either having an accumulator, a ruler or a maverick in the top three, the top three being the most influential in your money personality.
However, I have clients who are connectors and nurturers who have incredibly beautiful businesses that are making a big impact, that are making a name for themselves, that are getting the results that they desire to have. So every archetype has its strengths and every archetype can be incredibly successful in business.
It's about that awareness piece first, which is why you're here and why you're listening. So. Let's dive into it. So one of the shadow sides that comes up for the nurturer is neglecting themselves. Okay. It's putting everyone else's needs before their own and not prioritizing the needs of themselves. So it's like that old saying goes, right?
You can't give from a empty cup. You need to fill your own cup up to then give from the overflow. So how can you do that? How can you prioritize self care? Whatever that looks like, maybe it's eating better food, getting better sleep, having more water, exercise, reading a book, having space, listening to music, having a dance, whatever it might be that just makes you feel good and fills you up.
How can you do that more? So then you're actually feeling full. And when you are feeling a little bit depleted and you really don't have anything left to give because your natural tendency is to overgive. to the point of self depletion. How can you set boundaries when that does come up? How can you set, how can you learn to say no?
Essentially, how can you learn to say no when you're just not feeling it? Your energy is just not there. Prioritize your own physical, mental, emotional, energetic needs first, because then you can give so much more. All right. The second one that comes up is codependency. Okay, so this is the intense desire for creating a relationship where you're very dependent on that person.
You're very dependent on the other person and their self worth intertwines, how do I explain this?
Being codependent on somebody else is like your struggle to make decisions by yourself. Now, this is where it can be tricky in business because you're the one leading the ship. You're the one that's got to direct it where it needs to go. So if you're dependent on somebody else, like let's say it's your partner and you're constantly going to your partner or maybe your friends or your family, whoever it is in your life and you're saying, Hey, I'm thinking about starting this business or I'm thinking about taking this direction in my business.
What do you think I should do? Because you become very codependent on them, but they've never started an online business and they have absolutely no idea what you're talking about or how it's going to work out. They got no idea. So that's like literally asking a random person. Let's say you are on a ship.
Okay. Cause you're supposed to be steering the ship. You're the captain of the ship. So you're steering the ship and then you turn to old night. Who's a guest. Then you turn to all night. Who's just a guest on the ship. Hey, can you help me steer around this? Because I don't know really how to do it or what way to go, like which way should I go?
And they go, I don't know, mate, you're the buddy captain. Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense. So where have you formed these codependent relationships where you struggle to make a decision on your own? And it really ties into like, what do they think? Or I need their support. I need their approval.
So the next shadow side for a nurturer is the fear of abandonment. So this fear of abandonment, I mean, now don't get me wrong, like lots of people can experience this fear as well, depending on your, your upbringing and what's going on in your life. But this is a natural one that does come up for nurturers because They really need that reciprocated energy and effort towards them because as a nurturer, they're giving so much that they almost expect it back.
And when people don't give it back or. They, their expectations aren't met that that's when they can feel a little bit like they're abandoned or they're not, they're not recognized in the way that they desire to. But one thing I want to say here is if you're ever feeling, feeling like this, or you're ever feeling like someone hasn't met your expectations, 📍 our expectations are purely ours.
And honestly, unless we communicate what we expect from other people, they can't read our minds. I mean, I don't know how many times I've had this conversation with my husband where he's like. I cannot read your mind. We are wired differently. If there's something you need to tell, tell me, if there's something you need to say, if there's something you need me to pick up on, just tell me straight.
Whereas me being a very intuitive type person, it's like, why can you not pick up on this? Why is it that difficult? But truly, we just need to be able to have that open communication as well so that they know our expectations then. Truly on us and no one else is going to be able to live up to them if we don't communicate them.
So that's a way to overcome that. So the next one that sort of comes up is around this enabling behavior, right? Because a nurturer is always. It's in every sense of that word. There are nurturer, they're nurturing everybody else, but also it can sort of turn into this enabling behavior where you might be enabling behavior that you don't necessarily like in other people because you have such a strong desire to care for others that it can sort of lead to unhealthy behaviors, especially.
In a way to remove yourself from having to deal with consequences like negative consequences in example. So just be really aware of the importance of allowing others to be able to face consequences rather than you take it. I mean, at the end of the day, you can only control the way you act and the way you react.
You cannot control it for anybody else. You cannot control their perceptions, their limitations, their experiences, their interpretations, their expectations, and also the consequences in which they'll face based on their actions, their behaviors, right? So that's something that we need to step away from, or you as a nurturer really need to step away from.
You can't. Stop other people from learning their own lessons that it is. They need to learn and try. And I guess almost put like, like bubble wrap around the situation. Like it's okay. I'll look after you. I'll look after it. And then you cop the brunt of other people's. consequences when truly because you are such a beautiful caring person and you do want to care for other people and you don't want to see other people be uncomfortable.
It doesn't mean that it's also on you to deal with the consequences that come from other people's actions. That truly is them. And we need to allow other people to learn their own lessons because when they learn their own lessons, that's the only way that they're going to be able to improve. And lastly, Is a lack of self expression for you as a nurturer because 📍 you often just prioritize the needs of other people and that can truly lead to neglecting your own desires and your own passions and your own pursuits because you're constantly trying to make sure that everyone else's cups are filled up.
Everyone else has what they need. Everyone else's wants and desires come first. I was talking to one of my private clients this morning, actually, and I was saying how I used to think growing up that being selfish is a bad thing, but truly being selfish is just the act of prioritizing yourself and you cannot lift other people up and give from an empty cup if you don't focus on yourself and you don't prioritize yourself.
So I really want you to refrain that if you ever have that doubt or that belief of like, Oh, that's a really selfish thing to do. Or maybe I'm being selfish here. Being selfish is necessity. Being selfish means you're just prioritizing yourself. Yourself first and other people second.
It's just like when you're on an airplane, right? And they're going through the safety things. They say, you know, if there's ever... Every time when you need to put your oxygen mask on, you need to put your own on before you can help other people. It's the same sort of thing, you know? And I mean, okay, me as, um, when I became a mum and the first time we took our, our eldest overseas, she was four months old.
And when they said that, I was like, um, I'm going to be putting my four month old baby's oxygen mask on first. But then I thought, but I'm no good to her though. If I don't have one on, I'm no good to her. So remember that being selfish is simply prioritizing yourself and you must do that. So I hope this episode was really helpful for you, nurture, and thank you for bearing with me and.
Going through this series with me about unlocking the shadow sides of each of the archetypes because Eight archetypes. There's a lot to get through but truly by recognizing and addressing these shadow aspects. Ah Sorry, shadow aspects. Shadow aspects of yourself. You're able to actually embody who you really are.
You're able to actually Step outside your facade that potentially you've been putting on yourself because you think you shouldn't, you think that it's unlovable, it's undesirable, but honestly, at the end of this entire series, I really just want you to be able to step into more of you and to give yourself permission to be yourself and to.
Follow your life and to prioritize yourself, like be selfish, put yourself first because your vision, your mission, what you're here to do, be, have, create in this life is so important. At the end of the day, I don't want anyone to grow up and have regrets, grow up. I mean, I'm, I'm 32 years old. I'd probably consider myself a grown up, but 📍 I don't want anyone to get to the later stages in their life and have any regrets because they didn't try because they were so bogged down around what they thought they should do, or the way they thought they should speak or create or act or. The path that they thought that they had to take. We want to get rid of that societal conditioning altogether and just truly do what it is that lights you up.
To live a life that you love. To live a life that you are just so obsessed with and you get to the end of your days and you are so proud that you did it and you are so proud that you backed you. That's what I want to see for every single one of you. So again, thank you for coming on this journey with me.
And until next time, remember everything you desire and deserve is just on the other side of your own resistance. So keep moving forward because you've got what it takes.
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. And if you did, I would absolutely love it. If you can please leave me a five star review and let me know your thoughts. And if you know anyone who would benefit from listening to this episode, please share it with them until next time.
Remember everything you desire and deserve is just on the other side of your own resistance. So take that next step.